One Week Down

Tonight I came home after my first week of work at a new job. At some point I am sure it will feel like I am coming home from "my job" but... it doesn't feel that way yet.

I was talking with someone from work who asked me how the first week went. I thought about it for a while. The people have all been really nice. My environment is pretty decent. I've been supported and engaged. I've learned where the cafe is. I've worked out a bathroom strategy.

But it took me a few minutes of talking things out before it really hit me as to why I'm still uneasy.

You see, in my previous job I did 'things.' I had a checklist of 'things' to do, 'things' to build, 'things' to check off as done. When I would go home on a Friday I would be able to point at several things I had created, fixed, or modified. I'd have a 'To Do' list on my desk a mile long waiting for me to return to it on Monday morning.

In my previous job, I produced.

This week, I didn't build any reports. I didn't program any systems. I didn't modify any work processes. This week I didn't make any decisions or assign any projects.

I don't feel like I produced at all this week.

Intellectually I know exactly what's happening here. I am 5 days into a new role... a role that hasn't existed in my company before me. I shouldn't have expected to change the world on days 1 through 5. I know I will begin to do more and more as time goes on. I know I will start to find my way.

I know that very soon I will again produce.

The thing is, what I will be producing is going to be pretty different for me. I was the person who would figure out how to create the reports. How to get the data. How to "flip the bits." But now... well, now I am working with people who move the data. People who build the codes. People who can make the systems do things already.

I work with people who are producing.

I'm not sure how long it took me to feel like I was finally part of the company in my last job. I am pretty sure it wasn't one week. I have to be patient. I have to learn. I have to become comfortable with the fact that "producing" will take on a very different look once I do find my groove. I have to be patient. I have to be okay with looking at empty file drawers and empty shelves. I have to remember that at some point soon my phone will be ringing.

So for now, I'll continue to network. I'll take advantage of having time to read and study. For now, I'll try to keep reminding myself not to expect things to be like they once were.

It's hard though ... it's really hard for someone who needs to produce.