I know I ghosted you and I’m sorry for that.

October 11, 2024.

That was my last day at the company.  Roughly 16 years.  Seems like forever, and yet it feels like the blink of an eye - particularly when I came back to this blog site and saw the period of time that had elapsed.

I might come back to this and start to document a few more thoughts for no one in particular to ever see... but for now I had to close the brackets on this experience by saying "I did it."

I know I know

It's been a long time since I've updated here.


Well, I've become very busy. Any fear I had that I'd not have things to do is long gone. I've got projects, and plenty of them. It's actually been quite interesting since I've been thrown into some very interesting things that have a lot of company-wide impact.



One of the hardest things for me has been trying to shift my thinking. I have to learn better how to delegate, set expectations, and help people meet them. I too often find myself asking people for things when, in truth, I'm not totally sure what it is I need. There are times when it's okay to do that. But you need to have a good person or people who feel free to take risks and make mistakes. I think I've made great inroads there but still need to encourage certain people to take chances.



One of the best things that's happened to me is that I've been pulled into a couple of regular meetings that are pretty high level. It's interesting and exciting but a bit intimidating at times. You have to be ready to offer input on things that can change the direction of the organization pretty significantly. So I've learned to nod a lot. : )


I will be trying to check in again soon. I worked all day today (Sunday) to try and catch up on some things coming due. So what was I complaining about a few weeks ago??

One of those days...

Friday, and actually most of the week, was one of those days where I backslid a bit.

I've been dealing with the thoughts this weekend of "did I do the right thing?" I don't have a lot of experience changing jobs since I have stayed with each place I work for a long period of time. So I know the change in and of itself is part of the issue.

I'm hoping it's 99.9% of the issue.

But I still am fighting that whole "what the !@#$% do I do for work here?" At the end of the day I've read a lot, I've typed a lot of things up, and I've planned a lot, but I have nothing to show for the day.

This week I have vowed to myself to start creating something - anything - with my name stamped to it.

And to keep talking things through here. Believe it or not, this helps.

Busy busy busy - not all work

I've been attending meetings and doing lots of reading and research. I'm at the place where the introductions have been made, and expectations have been set. Now comes the follow through.

I can more and more of what I will be doing, but I am having a tough time figuring out how to dive in. There is such a huge difference between just sitting down at the keyboard and whipping out a bunch of reports and programs versus stepping back and coming up with a plan that reaches across the entire organization. It involves having to get a number of departments on board and moving together. It involves understanding policy and procedure and, when necessary, changing them.

Last night I was at an event the company held to celebrate its employees. What an amazing thing to witness. I left there feeling incredibly proud to be part of such a caring and enthusiastic organization.

But I've been running back and forth and have not had much time at home to blog. My brother has been sick and I've been visiting with him. He took a turn for the worse last night so I am back there later today.

Where do the hours go?

A Few Days Later And....

I'm still feeling the same.

I made the right decision.

I enjoy the people with whom I work.

I realize it's still just been days. Not weeks, but days...

I know it will get more involved. Busier. Complex.

It will become work.

But it's still not there yet.

So until then, I have to keep swinging. I have to keep making the role. I have to believe in myself and continue to hope that others believe in me too.

One Week Down

Tonight I came home after my first week of work at a new job. At some point I am sure it will feel like I am coming home from "my job" but... it doesn't feel that way yet.

I was talking with someone from work who asked me how the first week went. I thought about it for a while. The people have all been really nice. My environment is pretty decent. I've been supported and engaged. I've learned where the cafe is. I've worked out a bathroom strategy.

But it took me a few minutes of talking things out before it really hit me as to why I'm still uneasy.

You see, in my previous job I did 'things.' I had a checklist of 'things' to do, 'things' to build, 'things' to check off as done. When I would go home on a Friday I would be able to point at several things I had created, fixed, or modified. I'd have a 'To Do' list on my desk a mile long waiting for me to return to it on Monday morning.

In my previous job, I produced.

This week, I didn't build any reports. I didn't program any systems. I didn't modify any work processes. This week I didn't make any decisions or assign any projects.

I don't feel like I produced at all this week.

Intellectually I know exactly what's happening here. I am 5 days into a new role... a role that hasn't existed in my company before me. I shouldn't have expected to change the world on days 1 through 5. I know I will begin to do more and more as time goes on. I know I will start to find my way.

I know that very soon I will again produce.

The thing is, what I will be producing is going to be pretty different for me. I was the person who would figure out how to create the reports. How to get the data. How to "flip the bits." But now... well, now I am working with people who move the data. People who build the codes. People who can make the systems do things already.

I work with people who are producing.

I'm not sure how long it took me to feel like I was finally part of the company in my last job. I am pretty sure it wasn't one week. I have to be patient. I have to learn. I have to become comfortable with the fact that "producing" will take on a very different look once I do find my groove. I have to be patient. I have to be okay with looking at empty file drawers and empty shelves. I have to remember that at some point soon my phone will be ringing.

So for now, I'll continue to network. I'll take advantage of having time to read and study. For now, I'll try to keep reminding myself not to expect things to be like they once were.

It's hard though ... it's really hard for someone who needs to produce.

Nice To Meet You

7:15 AM and I am waiting for the shuttle. Okay, why am I doing this? I have to take the shuttle? What kind of mistake did I make?

The shuttle pulls up immediately. The gentleman driving it is so nice. He's been up since 5 AM getting the bus ready, running trips to and from the lot to work.... I have a great chat with him. They actually use the shuttle buses to go and pick up patients and bring them to their appointments. That's kind of cool.

"Let me drop you right off at the door to your building. It's cold out."

Okay, that's really cool. Not because he saved me ten steps. Because he thought it would be nice to save me ten steps. The guy who gets up at half past dark to warm a frozen van to drive people who (as he shared) complain about having to take a two minute shuttle to work wanted to make my day a little easier. Yeah, that's pretty darn cool.

"Oh, here you go Paul."

He hands me two "free coffee/soda" cards to be used at the cafe.

Day 2 just took a decent turn.

So my day was spent with my staff and a consultant to go over upgrades to a software system. I am trying to stay half a step ahead of these folks -- which is pretty impossible at this point as they are all absolute experts in their areas. As odd as it feels to me now, I'm pretty excited about where things will be once I start to get my legs under me. It's going to be good.

"We're going to lunch Paul. Want to come?"

My immediate thought was "I don't do lunches with people." But my immediate response was "sure... I'd love to. Thanks." So we walked to lunch at this great little spot down the street and had a great time.

Off to an afternoon meeting and some more meeting folks in a different location. I visited with Payroll -- and started asking questions. I stopped asking after I realized I was trying to compare what I was seeing to what I used to be part of. And I have to say... there was no comparison.

"You don't send check numbers to the bank? What??"

I'm glad that's not my concern anymore.

So back to the main campus. Seems that everyone clears out of my office area by 5 pm; it's a ghost town -- except for my boss. She comes in and sits with me to catch up on things and see how the day has been.

Seems that the really good bosses stay late and spend some quality time with their workers. At least that's what I have come to find out over the last few years.

Time to go catch the shuttle. I'm looking forward to a nice conversation on the bus ride back to my car.